that's it for me. the other day was my last day with that overly loquacious yoga teacher i had been suffering under for the past three months. what really irked me most with this guy was not so much that he had this intractable verbal diarrhea that he unleashed on us during mat time. it was more of his atrocious vocabulary.
this was the last straw for me. we were doing the triangles, right? then, without the slightest hint of some tongue-in-cheek attempt at humor, he cajoled us to "go open up your chests wide to the universe. open up your pectorials (sic) to the possibilities that the world is offering you."
ugh. major ugh. for real. gots to have my calm, rhythmic breathing during my precious yoga time. i definitely don't need this aggravation from, of all people, my instructor.
but maybe he had an inkling that someone was not coming back to his classes because during the corpse stance (the relaxation stance after all of those Elastigirl asanas), he was thanking us profusely.
"Thank you so much for showing up," his voice sounded more like he was the one who decided to jump ship and not I. "You are all heroes."
heroes? now that's way too cloying a marketing ploy to hold on to one's students crazy enough to pay the extortionate gym fees in this north Manhattan gym. in a fitness crazy city like the Big Apple, it is not a stretch to claim that most New Yorkers shell out more for their gym dues than their grocery in a month.
there also is no gainsaying that here at ground zero city, after 9/11, the currency of this word (i.e.heroism) reached an all time nadir. the word is just bandied around all the time that even Salvation Army volunteers on their holiday begging spree have deleted the word in their cajoling, i mean caroling repertoire. hey look, when even a mundane milk shake is being marketed as a divine drink for heroes, how in the world can one take in this word with much deserved gravitas?
times like these makes me long for the good old Greek time when flawed but clearly one of a kind characters like the forever fulminatingly mad Achilles and the quick witted Odysseus had their aristeias to prove for their (well, you may call it dubious) heroism in those two extant Homeric epics.
but no, no, no. our modern world would not have anything to do with this undemocratic concept. everyone is a hero. we can't stand to worship the olympian heroes anymore, we wanted a reflection of our own plebian selves in our modern myths, say Mr. Willy Loman, perhaps (the "hero" of Arthur Miller's play Death of A Salesman). all he had to do was just thrust that fedora in his balding pate and get out of that door day after day, rain, sleet, snow or shine. to just get out of there, it's heroism enough.
and hey, if modern white folks can be heroes, then brown folks can't be, rather should not be, too far behind, right? whatever's the rage in the occident has got to be the it thing back in the orient also, right? (man, don't i just love to use these two un-pc adjectives. orient, occident. man where are the days of the rapacious western colonizers? charing lang.)
i mean, since we can't find Lapu-Lapu clones anymore back home, hey why can't we nominate any pedestrian guy out there and, by the grace of a tropical-storm-spewing god, prostrate ourselves before him, our very own modern hero, too. or better yet, why can't we have guys who, on a regular basis, send money back home from their expat work and call them the new heroes. makes for an al dente sound bite. thus, the genesis of one of the most patronizing labels our modern Pinoy society has ever come up with--calling overseas expat workers the new heroes--mga bagong bayani.
this branding, though, clearly exposes the more philistine streak of our society. first, it's only the guys who are momentarily awash in hard earned dollars who are fit to be called heroes. secondly, and i guess highlights a more sinister vein in our national psyche, makes for a case that only those who have the spunk to get out of the rut of local life and live and work preferably in the USA, can be called heroes.
heroes schmeiros. that's it for me. i have enough of this word and that yoga instructor. now, if only i would know what to squeeze into that big chunk of free time that i got?
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
patis in the city
talagang it was blustery yesterday morning. it was not december yet but there it was, my tropical ear lobes just decided to wither immediately then go lifeless on me in under two minutes after braving the brutal Manhattan elements. i mean the weather, of course. not its natives.
so when i finally saw the mud-splattered, snubbed nose of the M15 bus made an awkward nod toward the urine redolent bus stop i was shivering in somewhere in mid-Mahanttan, parang i had this instant psyche make-over. biglang naging Polyanna ang putang inang jaded and bitchy New York transplantee, mama.
pagkatapos kong i-swipe ang aking MTA fare card, dash, (yes, as in big, purposeful strides, hindi sashay) kaagad toward what I thought was a seat nearest the heater vent. pero, as i was walking toward that sweet spot in the bus (during winter lang ha), suddenly ang amoy ng buong bus really felt like home. iyung mga around noon time, iyong patapos pa lang ang paghahanda ng pananghalian. iyon bang nakasalang na lahat ang mga lutuin at pinapain-in na lang ang mga ito.
ano ito? esep ako ng esep kong ano itong very familiar na aroma na nalalanghap ko.
feeling Proust ang drama, only that this instant remembrance of things past was piqued not by tasting madeleines but by a really strong yet to be sorted out olfactory memory. which they say nga is tremendously stronger than the gustatory stimulus.
siguro, it took me like an entire minute (kakahiya no? naturingang Pinoy pa naman) before i realized that it was the aroma of the glorious sauce de poisson wafting inside this grubby New York bus. yes, Virginia, there exists the glorious patis in the Big Apple.
and there he was crumpled in a seat by the window, clinging to his flimsy spring jacket as if his life depended on it. the culprit, the source of the patis smell, a middle aged kababayan gingerly sitting on a double seater cradle and, for all the love in the world, trying to avoid my stare. ewan ko lang with my West Coast peoples, but with us on the East, parang de rigeur talaga sa amin dito to consciously avoid each other sa streets like the proverbial plague.
pero, ang drama ng inyong mama (at least sa araw lang na ito, di ba nagka-attitude makeover nga akich), may I tabi talaga ako kay Manong. kesehodang wa niya ako pagkapansin in the first place, strike kaagad ako ng conversation sa kanya.
me: kumusta na?
manong patis: ok lang, lamig na nga lang.
me: saan ka nakabili ng patis? (shameless talaga ang lola mo, ne. wa na pagka-preamble, go to the point kaagad.)
first a brief explanation. totoo, maikli lang talaga. sa kalaki at ka-cosmopolitan ng New York City, dalawa lang ang Pinoy resto sa Manhattan mismo at walang Pinoy deli ha. sa ibang boroughs nga lang meron, say in Queens at Bronx, pero sa center ng universe under-represented to the bone ang Pinoy cuisine. as if mayroon tayo to speak of. anyway. on to the conversation.
manong patis: ay binigay lang ito ng kapatid ko (sabay nguso siya toward a plastic grocery bag in his lap).
as i was trying hard to engage in a frivolous conversation this painfully shy manong in the bus, sa kabilang aisle naman ng bus mayroong dalawang matrona, puti, most likely Jewish ladies (iyon lang ang aking tantiya) na straight-facedly prophesying as to how we are going to end up this year with yet another brutally cold season.
lady 1: (as she furiously fiddled with her immaculately constructed Coco Channel-inspired tweed suit) i guess this is going to be another 1993.
lady 2: (as she fumbled inside her purse for what appeared to be her inhaler) that's why i can't wait to move to Florida. i can't be bothered anymore with these New York winters.
lady 1: why, how long have you lived here?
lady 2: (stared back at lady 1 like she just called her declasse') me? all my life, honey. all of my life. (her voice dripped with earnest hometown pride so thickly, you could slather an entire bagel with it.)
ay nako dedma itong mga hard core Manhattanites na ito. balik sa mga Pinoy.
manong patis: bago ka lang rito?
me: matagal-tagal na rin. pero parang di ko talaga kaya rito?
manong patis: anong ibig mo sabihin?
me: i mean, ang lamig, ang mga tao, ang pagkain, ang takbo ng buhay. hindi ko talaga kaya. i think i was never cut out for New York.
at this point, bigla bang mag-interject si lady number 2 from accross the aisle sa aming conversation.
lady 2: oh honey, (she looked me in the eye like she's my gammy) no one is ever cut out for New York. (this coming from what could be one of the very few remaining authentic born-and-bred Manhattanites).
as the bus meandered towards the East Village, i slinked back to my old never gregarious self and decided to stop talking to manong. in the meantime, the smell of the patis grew more piercing everytime the bus disgorged its passengers, most of them, I am sure, a bit hungrier than before getting into the melting pot called the New York bus.
so when i finally saw the mud-splattered, snubbed nose of the M15 bus made an awkward nod toward the urine redolent bus stop i was shivering in somewhere in mid-Mahanttan, parang i had this instant psyche make-over. biglang naging Polyanna ang putang inang jaded and bitchy New York transplantee, mama.
pagkatapos kong i-swipe ang aking MTA fare card, dash, (yes, as in big, purposeful strides, hindi sashay) kaagad toward what I thought was a seat nearest the heater vent. pero, as i was walking toward that sweet spot in the bus (during winter lang ha), suddenly ang amoy ng buong bus really felt like home. iyung mga around noon time, iyong patapos pa lang ang paghahanda ng pananghalian. iyon bang nakasalang na lahat ang mga lutuin at pinapain-in na lang ang mga ito.
ano ito? esep ako ng esep kong ano itong very familiar na aroma na nalalanghap ko.
feeling Proust ang drama, only that this instant remembrance of things past was piqued not by tasting madeleines but by a really strong yet to be sorted out olfactory memory. which they say nga is tremendously stronger than the gustatory stimulus.
siguro, it took me like an entire minute (kakahiya no? naturingang Pinoy pa naman) before i realized that it was the aroma of the glorious sauce de poisson wafting inside this grubby New York bus. yes, Virginia, there exists the glorious patis in the Big Apple.
and there he was crumpled in a seat by the window, clinging to his flimsy spring jacket as if his life depended on it. the culprit, the source of the patis smell, a middle aged kababayan gingerly sitting on a double seater cradle and, for all the love in the world, trying to avoid my stare. ewan ko lang with my West Coast peoples, but with us on the East, parang de rigeur talaga sa amin dito to consciously avoid each other sa streets like the proverbial plague.
pero, ang drama ng inyong mama (at least sa araw lang na ito, di ba nagka-attitude makeover nga akich), may I tabi talaga ako kay Manong. kesehodang wa niya ako pagkapansin in the first place, strike kaagad ako ng conversation sa kanya.
me: kumusta na?
manong patis: ok lang, lamig na nga lang.
me: saan ka nakabili ng patis? (shameless talaga ang lola mo, ne. wa na pagka-preamble, go to the point kaagad.)
first a brief explanation. totoo, maikli lang talaga. sa kalaki at ka-cosmopolitan ng New York City, dalawa lang ang Pinoy resto sa Manhattan mismo at walang Pinoy deli ha. sa ibang boroughs nga lang meron, say in Queens at Bronx, pero sa center ng universe under-represented to the bone ang Pinoy cuisine. as if mayroon tayo to speak of. anyway. on to the conversation.
manong patis: ay binigay lang ito ng kapatid ko (sabay nguso siya toward a plastic grocery bag in his lap).
as i was trying hard to engage in a frivolous conversation this painfully shy manong in the bus, sa kabilang aisle naman ng bus mayroong dalawang matrona, puti, most likely Jewish ladies (iyon lang ang aking tantiya) na straight-facedly prophesying as to how we are going to end up this year with yet another brutally cold season.
lady 1: (as she furiously fiddled with her immaculately constructed Coco Channel-inspired tweed suit) i guess this is going to be another 1993.
lady 2: (as she fumbled inside her purse for what appeared to be her inhaler) that's why i can't wait to move to Florida. i can't be bothered anymore with these New York winters.
lady 1: why, how long have you lived here?
lady 2: (stared back at lady 1 like she just called her declasse') me? all my life, honey. all of my life. (her voice dripped with earnest hometown pride so thickly, you could slather an entire bagel with it.)
ay nako dedma itong mga hard core Manhattanites na ito. balik sa mga Pinoy.
manong patis: bago ka lang rito?
me: matagal-tagal na rin. pero parang di ko talaga kaya rito?
manong patis: anong ibig mo sabihin?
me: i mean, ang lamig, ang mga tao, ang pagkain, ang takbo ng buhay. hindi ko talaga kaya. i think i was never cut out for New York.
at this point, bigla bang mag-interject si lady number 2 from accross the aisle sa aming conversation.
lady 2: oh honey, (she looked me in the eye like she's my gammy) no one is ever cut out for New York. (this coming from what could be one of the very few remaining authentic born-and-bred Manhattanites).
as the bus meandered towards the East Village, i slinked back to my old never gregarious self and decided to stop talking to manong. in the meantime, the smell of the patis grew more piercing everytime the bus disgorged its passengers, most of them, I am sure, a bit hungrier than before getting into the melting pot called the New York bus.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Aguiluz, saan ka na?
number 1 track in my ipod's most frequently played list is this haunting song by the best band ever discovered outside of the cultural capital of the Philippines, ang South Border. ito iyong de facto theme song ng number one fantaserye sa atin ngayon -- Mulawin (mapapanood sa GMA 7 only. sorry mga fellow TFC subscribers, out of the loop tayo.)
yes, you read it right. fantaserye. well, kung true blue Pinoy ka, gets mo na kaagad ang etymology ng monstrosity of a word na ito. wa na pagka-explain. cheapens what already is a tawdry affair.
so when i went home recently, that's when i first saw some of the episodes of this humongously successful show. pero, kung pipilitin mo akong tanungin kong magaling nga ba talaga itong flagship show ng Kapuso network (as opposed to ABS-CBN's Kapamilya network. god, how derivative our media people back home really are.) ito lang ang maisasagot ko.
same old, same old. well, a dash of quitely arresting CGI effects here and there (in glaring contrast to the gross out flimflammery in Channel 2's Krystala) but nothing revolutionary really is going for this one. oh, some surprising Russian cinema low-ground camera effects, but nothing much really. and i am not in my bitchy cruise control mode today, mind you.
but apparently, ang buong bansa ay nata-transfix. sa latest ratings, almost 40% ng total household viewers ang nako-corner ng TV show na ito. and this on a daily basis. for those who can still remember this particular Marcos-sponsored bacchanalia in the 70's ba 'kamo, parang araw-araw ay mayroong idinaraos na Ms. Universe contest sa atin. ganyan karami ang nanonood ng palabas na ito.
pero hindi iyan ang aking kuwento. ito iyon.
noong nandoon pa nga ako sa Maynila, naririnig ko snippets of this song on the radio. flat out touched a raw nerve in me. ewan ko kung ano ba in my system that got me hooked on this song. siguro like ko lang talaga ang mga tracks na may feature na isang malinis at matining na falsetto. or maybe, i'm just a sucker for good old Pinoy ballads. kayo na lang ang lumaki sa mga bombastic ballads noong heyday ng OPM, no?
so go kaagad ako ng music store and presto got this Mulawin pseudo-soundtrack for a whistle. fast forward, download kaagad sa ipod. entonces, sa kare-repeat ng track na ito, number one siya ngayon sa aking most played playlist.
so ngayon, ako mismo ay baffled to the max kung bakit ganito na lang ba ang aking pagkahibang sa kantang ito. hate ko naman ang ibang mga kanta ng South Border sa kanilang previous albums, especially that egregiously versed Rainbow.
ang explanation ko lang sa pagka-ngayon is this. which somehow you could reduce to a simple argument about the pernicious effect of the ubiquitous TV. kasi ganito. in time for the way, way, too advanced celebration nating mga Pinoy ng Chrismas season, patalbugan ngayon ang dalawang dambuhalang TV networks sa bansa ng kanilang mga institutional ads for the holidays.
siyempre pa, carried away ako sa, you guessed it, GMA ad featuring the lead characters of Mulawin nga, sina Aguiluz at Alwina. featured sa nasabing ad ang isang probinsiyanang chimay na namamasukan sa Maynila. one night, in the depths of her kalungkutan, being away from her own family in the probinsiya and all of that kadramahan, may I appear ngayon sina Aguiluz at Alwina (in all their winged glories) at biglang tinangay itong nagdadalamhating chami back to her good old pastoral hearth just in time for Christmas.
so in summary, class, ang drama ng ad na ito ay on the wings of love sa Kapaskuhan. patok ang formula di ba? tap into the latent paganistic beliefs of the Pinoys and let it serve well sa isang ostensibly Christian event. panalo.
anyway, having lived a very cliched Pinoy expat life here in New York (what being an expat nurse and all) may I identify ako most facilely sa ad na ito. entonces number four, thus explaining perhaps why this song has risen to the top of my ipod charts.
pero, come to think of it now that i have somehow threshed out this current obsession of mine, parang more and more na nagle-lean ako to the this belief na hindi ko masyadong pinakikinggan.
na somehow this has got to do with the song itself, i mean my most puzzling addiction sa song na ito. parang organic sa song ang aking pagkalike sa kaniya. ano kaya? natagpuan ko na kaya ang the perfect original pilipino song?
uy, sorry george canseco, ha. alam kong patay ka na and parang required ako to say a token of praise sa iyong genius in songwriting. pero this one (ay title nga pala ng song "Ikaw Nga") really gets me. at least for now.
ang gulo. baka kung itulog ko kaya muna ito, baka mas lalong maliliwanagan ako. iyan kung hindi darating sina Aguiluz at Alwina at tatangayin ako pabalik ng Maynila.
Cue Handel. Aleluia, aleluia, aleeluuiaaaa.
yes, you read it right. fantaserye. well, kung true blue Pinoy ka, gets mo na kaagad ang etymology ng monstrosity of a word na ito. wa na pagka-explain. cheapens what already is a tawdry affair.
so when i went home recently, that's when i first saw some of the episodes of this humongously successful show. pero, kung pipilitin mo akong tanungin kong magaling nga ba talaga itong flagship show ng Kapuso network (as opposed to ABS-CBN's Kapamilya network. god, how derivative our media people back home really are.) ito lang ang maisasagot ko.
same old, same old. well, a dash of quitely arresting CGI effects here and there (in glaring contrast to the gross out flimflammery in Channel 2's Krystala) but nothing revolutionary really is going for this one. oh, some surprising Russian cinema low-ground camera effects, but nothing much really. and i am not in my bitchy cruise control mode today, mind you.
but apparently, ang buong bansa ay nata-transfix. sa latest ratings, almost 40% ng total household viewers ang nako-corner ng TV show na ito. and this on a daily basis. for those who can still remember this particular Marcos-sponsored bacchanalia in the 70's ba 'kamo, parang araw-araw ay mayroong idinaraos na Ms. Universe contest sa atin. ganyan karami ang nanonood ng palabas na ito.
pero hindi iyan ang aking kuwento. ito iyon.
noong nandoon pa nga ako sa Maynila, naririnig ko snippets of this song on the radio. flat out touched a raw nerve in me. ewan ko kung ano ba in my system that got me hooked on this song. siguro like ko lang talaga ang mga tracks na may feature na isang malinis at matining na falsetto. or maybe, i'm just a sucker for good old Pinoy ballads. kayo na lang ang lumaki sa mga bombastic ballads noong heyday ng OPM, no?
so go kaagad ako ng music store and presto got this Mulawin pseudo-soundtrack for a whistle. fast forward, download kaagad sa ipod. entonces, sa kare-repeat ng track na ito, number one siya ngayon sa aking most played playlist.
so ngayon, ako mismo ay baffled to the max kung bakit ganito na lang ba ang aking pagkahibang sa kantang ito. hate ko naman ang ibang mga kanta ng South Border sa kanilang previous albums, especially that egregiously versed Rainbow.
ang explanation ko lang sa pagka-ngayon is this. which somehow you could reduce to a simple argument about the pernicious effect of the ubiquitous TV. kasi ganito. in time for the way, way, too advanced celebration nating mga Pinoy ng Chrismas season, patalbugan ngayon ang dalawang dambuhalang TV networks sa bansa ng kanilang mga institutional ads for the holidays.
siyempre pa, carried away ako sa, you guessed it, GMA ad featuring the lead characters of Mulawin nga, sina Aguiluz at Alwina. featured sa nasabing ad ang isang probinsiyanang chimay na namamasukan sa Maynila. one night, in the depths of her kalungkutan, being away from her own family in the probinsiya and all of that kadramahan, may I appear ngayon sina Aguiluz at Alwina (in all their winged glories) at biglang tinangay itong nagdadalamhating chami back to her good old pastoral hearth just in time for Christmas.
so in summary, class, ang drama ng ad na ito ay on the wings of love sa Kapaskuhan. patok ang formula di ba? tap into the latent paganistic beliefs of the Pinoys and let it serve well sa isang ostensibly Christian event. panalo.
anyway, having lived a very cliched Pinoy expat life here in New York (what being an expat nurse and all) may I identify ako most facilely sa ad na ito. entonces number four, thus explaining perhaps why this song has risen to the top of my ipod charts.
pero, come to think of it now that i have somehow threshed out this current obsession of mine, parang more and more na nagle-lean ako to the this belief na hindi ko masyadong pinakikinggan.
na somehow this has got to do with the song itself, i mean my most puzzling addiction sa song na ito. parang organic sa song ang aking pagkalike sa kaniya. ano kaya? natagpuan ko na kaya ang the perfect original pilipino song?
uy, sorry george canseco, ha. alam kong patay ka na and parang required ako to say a token of praise sa iyong genius in songwriting. pero this one (ay title nga pala ng song "Ikaw Nga") really gets me. at least for now.
ang gulo. baka kung itulog ko kaya muna ito, baka mas lalong maliliwanagan ako. iyan kung hindi darating sina Aguiluz at Alwina at tatangayin ako pabalik ng Maynila.
Cue Handel. Aleluia, aleluia, aleeluuiaaaa.
Saturday, November 27, 2004
lamig na naman
i only have derision for my kababayan whenever they make a show of claiming that it is winter they really enjoy here in the Big Apple. putang ina nila.
for a people raised under the glorious equatorial sun, how in the world can any true blue Pinoy ever say this. hanggang dito ba sa 'Tate, bitbit-bitbit pa rin itong hinayupak na colonial mentality na ire. feeling puti ang mga pangong ilong na mga lecheng kababayan na ito. parang ayoko nang maging Pinoy ha. charing lang.
pero having said that, mayroon talagang particular charm na naidudulot ang winter ha. i just got back from quite a satisfying vacation sa Maynila. and yes, yes, yes, I got totally depressed even with just the idea of getting back here.
bakit naman kasi ipinanganak akong dukha at kailangan ko pang magpakapukpuk dito sa New York. anyway, ibang posting na naman iyan.
saan na ba tayo? okey, i just got back from this long vacation sa Maynila and when I got back here, it was all so apparent and patent. there is a certain clarity that winter ushers in.
i mean, the quality of light (iyan kung hindi overcast at gloomy ang araw ha!) is just blindingly clear.
maybe it's because kasi wala nang mga dahon ang mga halaman at nakikita mo na ang lahat-lahat. but really the slant of light (thank you Ms. Dickinson for that magical phrase!) during the cold months is eerily piercing and hauls out of the shadows stuff, internal and all, that one has really been patiently stashing for the past months for whatever reasons, known or otherwise.
alam ko, kabaligtaran ito sa mga obserbasyon ng halos lahat na nababasa ko. i know i'm tempted to say that my idiosyncratic observation is one of those you-have-to-be-here-to-understand-it moments. but this is a cop-out of course.
i'll probably make more sense of this claim in my next postings. maybe lang. alam ko kasi sarili ko, may pagkatamad din. ay sori, hindi pala. tamad talaga.
for a people raised under the glorious equatorial sun, how in the world can any true blue Pinoy ever say this. hanggang dito ba sa 'Tate, bitbit-bitbit pa rin itong hinayupak na colonial mentality na ire. feeling puti ang mga pangong ilong na mga lecheng kababayan na ito. parang ayoko nang maging Pinoy ha. charing lang.
pero having said that, mayroon talagang particular charm na naidudulot ang winter ha. i just got back from quite a satisfying vacation sa Maynila. and yes, yes, yes, I got totally depressed even with just the idea of getting back here.
bakit naman kasi ipinanganak akong dukha at kailangan ko pang magpakapukpuk dito sa New York. anyway, ibang posting na naman iyan.
saan na ba tayo? okey, i just got back from this long vacation sa Maynila and when I got back here, it was all so apparent and patent. there is a certain clarity that winter ushers in.
i mean, the quality of light (iyan kung hindi overcast at gloomy ang araw ha!) is just blindingly clear.
maybe it's because kasi wala nang mga dahon ang mga halaman at nakikita mo na ang lahat-lahat. but really the slant of light (thank you Ms. Dickinson for that magical phrase!) during the cold months is eerily piercing and hauls out of the shadows stuff, internal and all, that one has really been patiently stashing for the past months for whatever reasons, known or otherwise.
alam ko, kabaligtaran ito sa mga obserbasyon ng halos lahat na nababasa ko. i know i'm tempted to say that my idiosyncratic observation is one of those you-have-to-be-here-to-understand-it moments. but this is a cop-out of course.
i'll probably make more sense of this claim in my next postings. maybe lang. alam ko kasi sarili ko, may pagkatamad din. ay sori, hindi pala. tamad talaga.
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