when you grabbed my arm, my limper left arm, and led me to this shady alley in Chinatown, I never believed you when you promised "there's a quaint dimsum place over here."
then you started laughing your laugh,(the one you were trying to do away with; like that of that geek from that movie.) when you saw me starting to cry. the stench from the trash stung my eyes like a stray schezuan pepper sauce. I believed you though when you squinted your eyes (in solidarity?) and told me "we don't need to be anywhere else. I just want to be with you. all the time."
yesterday, chris (remember him? that one with the wolfish appetite?)asked me for suggestions for a "respectable" (I assumed he meant great) downtown chinese, preferably southern, bistro. chris and bolo (you knew him. you hated his guts. remember, he busted your ass in our spinning class.) were to celebrate their 5th year together. already.
I came this close to calling you and ask you if you knew one, for real. and for a moment there, as I was rifling through my well thumbed address book, I just forgot your name. (harry, no that was that squat italian guy. no, giulio was the one. couldn't be sammy, too happy, too sunny.)
come to think of it. we never ate that night. we just stood there at the mouth of that alley until that drizzle fizzled. you are my ill lighted, narrow alley of memory. there are just times when things, stuff, just grab me back there. then, i just go. back. again. even if it's too dank, too dark there. and there's nothing in it for me but burning tears.