all these erudition. when can i possibly put them to good use?
on a lazy afternoon yesterday, my posse, otherwise known as the old maids of central bronx, were resigned to the fact that we would have to squander a great sunday spring afternoon just to watch a bootleg copy of this unabashedly hongkong chopsocky slapstick. who ever said gay people are not into martial arts don’'t know a shit or two about them queer folks.
and so the question of what to eat watching the film popped up. still dulled from the previous night’'s carousing, everybody just went for the uncreative pop corn. the colorless, microwaveable sort.
not even midway into the movie, right where the fat woman scurried back to her apartment after a bespoke suited goon squad came to terrorize her neighborhood, a friend popped a very innocuous question.
how is it that, despite all the technology we have in this country, not all kernels can be popped in a freaking bag of popcorn?
and this was where i would have gotten into the picture. gladly.
because it just so happened that the other day, i was hooked by this sidebar in my weekend paper about the latest research on the chemistry of the pop-ability of, well, popcorns.
researchers have found out that the key factor in influencing the popping quality of popcorns is the chemical structure of the pericarp, the fancy term for the kernel’'s outer hull.
during heating, the corn pericarp locks moisture inside like a pressure cooker. the heated moisture builds up pressure inside until the kernel eventually ruptures, magically turning the kernel inside out and conjuring the white fluff that we enjoy.
in the best popping kernels, the pericarp is composed of stronger cellulose molecules than those in poorer performing varieties. these stronger crystalline structures maximize moisture retention, leading to fewer unpopped kernels.
i was about to launch into this high flying explanation but just in time, in about a new york minute, i found back my bearing. i mean, honestly, what good would it do me if i'd flawlessly explained this concept to my friends? and in the end, would my friendship with these wonderful people be richer with my dazzling explanation of the pop-ability of popcorns?
beware you be not swallowed up in books. an ounce of love is worth a pound of knowledge. so wrote john wesley, the methodist pope. and you all well know this was coming right at you, this quote from a holy man right smack on a sunday post.
whew! all this erudition. i’'m telling you.
i held on fast to my show off horses and just laughed along with this group of warm people as dumb and lame comedy set pieces burst from the movie one after the other. and honestly, i felt wiser.
oh by the way, scientists call those unpopped kernels “old maids.” i kid you not.